Ten Year Goggles......

Now as the sort of person who likes to plan IN DETAIL for the short, medium and long term, I've been learning recently that letting go of those sort of planning paroxysms is healthy, liberating - in fact necessary.  I can get so caught up in The Plan that I forget to enjoy the moment, miss slightly unexpected opportunities and feel anxious when the plans go awry!

Of course I had an excellent "ten year plan" as a student: Law degree (check), Solicitors exams (check), training contract (check) - so far so good, six years accounted for.  This tied in with my life plans - marriage at 25 (check), children (check, two by age 30 - one of each, extra symmetry!).

And really that is where the planning paralysis set in.  Having children is such a leap into the unexpected for all parents, let alone when autism is part of the package. Adapting to today requires a certain amount of taking your beady eye off tomorrow .  My faith helps me do this, but my old habits of agonising about next year, three years, ten years etc are hard to break and if I don't stamp down on those thoughts, I know I am heading for a dizzying, relentless turbine of anxiety-generation. (Gaviscon anyone).

In addition it's easy when you are faced with challenging circumstances to become defined by overcoming them.  At times like that you need perspective, and to push the horizon back out again to include all the wonderful opportunities that are still available to you and the unexpected triumphs, pleasures and diversions that await you. And this, in turn, enables you to enjoy all the rewards and pleasures that are already in your day to day with you but that you have started to overlook.  The joy of life with small children, and of their wonder at the world (combined with their brutal honesty......). Sometimes looking at the bigger picture enables you to rediscover some of the smaller detail!  To allow yourself to just stop and smell the roses (or, as the case may be, blow bubbles)

And so, recently, someone told me to put my "ten year goggles" back on!(*)  To contemplate and look at the bigger picture, including the stuff that could be down the line in my future, including the domesticity that is currently an overwhelming part of my job description, but not solely restricted to that.  Self-expression, personal growth, fulfilment, achievement and, yes, singing.  I love it and it is a key stress management, brain training exercise as well as a huge part of how I express my faith too.

I am and will always be mummy, but I am also and will always be......me.  I don't lose myself in parenting or in dealing with autism, I bring myself to all of those situations, but it has taken a little bit of perspective to rediscover that truth.

So thank you, wise friend, for reminding me to continue to be me as well as being mummy.

I'm off to blow bubbles on the trampoline.

(PS: in my head ten-year goggles look exactly like a WW2 flying helmet & goggles - Mr LAL's influence you see, all is history)

(*) and also to get hold of a cheap tea-set - equally valuable advice.