"for riches and rank I do not long"..........

Does money make the world go round? Should it? Well, probably, but in my view and according to several religions, it shouldn't.  Short Blog. (You'll be lucky). Of course at a macro-level money really does keep the world spinning, dictating the relationship of nation to nation and the balance of power across the globe.

There is no sphere immune to the impact of the gravitational pull of money or lack thereof on their orbit - it will be a terrible thing when financial cuts impact the arts even further - museums, libraries, opera companies, orchestras....we need them, but they need money.  Isn't our ability to transcend ourselves and be moved by music, words, images & sounds something that makes life worthwhile and separates us from our very close mammal neighbours?? However, my musings aloud on this topic prompted Mr LAL to deliver an impromptu lecture on market economies, capitalism versus socialism and indeed economic history (I think I lost consciousness about the industrial revolution) - among his undergraduate degrees is history & economic history and he routinely reads for fun (including on honeymoon) textbooks more suited to your average phd reading list........I digress, he's brilliant QED.

Of course I am totally unqualified to comment on the arts, economics, history, in fact most things except for my own specialised area of law (the knowledge of which is, naturally, fading).

But what about my new "job" - Housewife - cook, cleaner, factotum and, crucially, budget manager.  You may remember that one of my Top Five (questions people asked me when I Gave It All Up) was about The Money.  Do we miss it, how do we cope etc etc.  Well of course it is sooo vulgar to talk about money but, as lots of people will be in the same situation we are, lets.

Well (a) we'd already "salary downsized" through a combination of smaller firms, maternity leave, career changes (Mr LAL) before I gave up wages (they're a dirty habit).  But, and more importantly, (b) the money nowhere near made up for the strain and fallout of The Juggling -it's not pretty.

The initial draft of this blog was much longer but even I lost the will to keep reading.  So the summary is:-

1. We are b****y lucky to be able to just about keep our heads above water on one salary, so I'm just thankful for that;
2. There are lots of tricks for making the money stretch further - online grocery shopping, a full disclosure policy on any spending (after a brief "Amazon One-click account" amnesty), recycling and buying "vintage" (sounds better doesn't it), seeing holidays as a luxury not a privilege, but you can get a week's pitch on a campsite quite cheaply, agreeing not to swap Christmas presents with everyone I ever met who has a child, making presents for loved ones, grow veg at home if you can etc etc etc and I do now have time to try all these tips;
3. There's always someone worse off than you, comparing yourself with them makes you feel guilty for being stressed about your own situation.  There's always someone better off than you - comparing yourself with them makes you want things you can't have.  Therefore just getting on with it is easier;
4. Keep your mind open to unexpected possibilities to improve the financial status quo and don't be too proud to accept help or take an unusual tack (a story for another day).
5. Don't give up on beautiful, uplifting experiences, just get smart about how to access them (Royal Opera House tickets for £7.50 each anyone!)
6. One thing I don't do is play the National Lottery.  I used to, I don't now.  More on that another time.
7. Finally, work as a team.  He earns, I don't, but we are in it together.  The times when we struggle most are the times when we forget that.  

May the force be with you. Now, baked beans for tea anyone...........................

Repetitive Strain Injury................

No, not the "had an accident at work, not to blame" kind of repetitive strain injury.  I trained at a firm who were a (defendant) insurance litigation specialist so I have acquired far more knowledge about certain types of industrial injury & repetitive strain than I will EVER need  (industrial deafness in lorry drivers.............).

However one of the facts that I somehow read somewhere and now state confidently as Gospel (don't take my word for it in this case) is that repetitive and extremely boring tasks are a source of stress in themselves! So you might think (if you had never done it) that assembly line work carries no "stress" - possibly RSI of the wrists from lifting or twisting or turning, but any workers executing endless, eye-watering repetition of detailed, identical tasks also suffer genuine stress.  (Mr LAL, who seems to have done most jobs while through school and further education has of course done this kind of job along with much more eclectic roles - translating school textbooks English-Latin-English??).

As a Lawyer I have to say that really really, although "basic Wills" should be very similar I never never felt the job was repetitive! Because Will writing revolves around people, and people are all different. What they think they ought to want and what you perceive that they know they really need (thank you Terry Pratchett) are always unique! And my stint as a paralegal/legal secretary (my most recent role, undertaken after specialising by passing some really rather self-satisfaction-inducingly-difficult exams as a stepping stone between being a Lawyer and Life After Law) was never "repetitive" - because the demands of ones fee-earner are many and varied.......

But I have to say, despite the bewildering unpredictability of life with any child, let alone one who can and will freak out about well, who knows (but never consistently) - if I have to sweep the B****Y floor ONE MORE TIME or pick up the C**P off the bedroom (and study) floors YET AGAIN I will actually, well, erm, feel very annoyed!!!.............

And yet, capriciously, sometimes it is the pleasant, unchallenging hum-drum of the tasks that have gently ground a well-worn smooth groove into your day that are part of your relaxation.  There is something satisfying about the fluid, strong swoosh of the soft broom flicking the sticky cheerios of breakfast (but not the "wrong" cheerios, for the love of GOD not the "wrong" ones!!!!!) into the corners with the random glitter from treasured craft projects carried about until totally denuded of adornment.  I feel a quiet glow of pride and inner peace when my kitchen surfaces are totally clean and clear and I am about to start some domestic goddessery involving butter, sugar and pink food colouring.  A well scrubbed toilet and gleaming sink and taps are very satisfying in a way that is so much more easily attainable than a perfectly balanced set of estate accounts (accurate to the last penny over millions of pounds) or a really cleverly drafted trust (the cost of which, the client will naturally bemoan, however outstanding your ingenuity!).

So what does this mean.  Well, I like being a stay at home mum,  but sometimes it is REALLY REALLY BORING doing the same job over and over again.  And sometimes that same job is quite satisfying and relaxing.

So I'm unpredictable and hard to please.  So sue me, (good luck with that, I know a lot of lawyers!)

Talking of Gilbert & Sullivan........

Which I sort of did in my "Sleep-wrecked" post...........see what I did there! I'm now in the exciting final few rehearsals phase of preparing to tread the boards in a production of a Gilbert & Sullivan Operetta.

*DISCLAIMER: I am not actually a G&S expert, I just like it and read Wikipedia a lot...........*

Now, if you aren't familiar with the work of that awesome duo, well they go together like strawberries and cream, gin and tonic, Reeves and Murtagh..............I digress.  Together they wrote the words and music for an impressive number of well-loved and popular operettas (like opera but with less anguished dying). If you like them you can go to any of their shows secure in the knowledge that there will be:

• the tum-ti-tum-ti tum one
• the tiddle tiddle tiddle one
• a patter song (loads of words, delivered very quickly, an impressive feat of diction and memory)
• the romantic songs - ranging from fa la la sad-ish madrigals to real "just one cornetto" feats of tenor virtuosity and almost Queen of the Night coloratura (ie soprano showing off).

And they are brilliant and funny!

The singing will be good- no company can get through a production without being able to sing pretty well, plus most of the people who love performing G&S really know their stuff (it's a drug that gets into your veins and you just can't stop doing it! Before you know it you are on your fifth revival of Pirates!)

Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean to imply that there is no variety, on the contrary Gilbert & Sullivan seem to use a well-tried "if it ain't broke" formula, but they tackle a huge range of issues with wit and scathing satire - class distinction, politics, gender divides you name it - using clever word-play and ingenious composition.  I'm a fan as you can tell.

I'm playing the romantic lead who is rather shallow and vain (insert own joke)  to start with.  However she does of course (*PLOT SPOILER*) end up marrying her true love after some hilarious misunderstandings, cases of mistaken identity, lover's quarrels, lovers getting engaged to other people, threats of death etc and ultimately reconciling in some rather beautiful duetting.

My love of G&S predates my love of and parting from the Law, and predates my love for Mr LAL.  My long missed grandad was a great fan, and would have been very pleased to see G&S being kept alive on stages all over the world at every standard - from village hall amateurs to Opera House professionals.

There's a huge amount of musical snobbery about G&S by some - ignore it!!  Go on, find some G&S near you - ENO are doing The Mikado, and various companies of all shapes sizes sounds and stages are throwing themselves with gusto into those rousing Finales all round the world.  What's the worst that could happen...........well, as it's G&S: a gaggle of fairies cast a spell on you, you are to be beheaded, clapped in irons, marry a woman old enough to be your mother, forced to be a joint king and possible bigamist, demoted from ship's captain to foremast hand..........but don't let that put you off!

Right, I'm off to a rehearsal (with costumes today!) - tiddle pom tiddle pom fa la la la.........

Enjoy............

Sleep-wrecked

Urgh.  My beautiful firstborn has had a horrible disturbed night in pain, cutting a molar, which has involved nighttime vigils by mummy, who at such times is the source of all consolation.  And I feel utterly sleep-wrecked, after only one night.

I now feel that were someone to interrogate me (for some improbable and far fetched reason involving a Gilbert & Sullivan standard case of mistaken identity) I would pretty much crack if they looked a bit cross or said I couldn't have a cup of tea.

Tactic:  batten down the hatches, keep everything as calm as possible and pick my battles with the children & Mr LAL (ie, none) until recovery sets in.  Oh, and a lot of tea. And Carbs.

We got away with the whole sleep issue very lightly and it was really only a problem during the standard night feeding months -but now after just one night of it I really can't imagine how we ever coped with the broken nights (mind you, based on photographic evidence, it wasn't pretty).

But then I looked back further to life B.E.  (before escape) - in fact B.C (before children).  Self and Mr Life After Law lived and worked at big firms and were surrounded by the play-hard-work-hard culture (which translates roughly as long hours of deals or whatever going on right into the night followed by celebratory drinks and back to churning out highly specialised expert advice the next day with no drop in quality - not, I have to admit, that this particularly suited either of us).

So is there some magic secret to surviving on not-very-much-sleep-at-all? (NOT illegal substances, thank you, settle down at the back) Other than a dependence on caffeine that sees you twitching if you haven't had four espresso by 11?  Clearly adrenaline (and in some cases, pure testosterone) has a lot to answer for - but how long can anyone sustain life at that pitch?

I and Mr LAL are lucky that our sleep-deprivation torture was only ever fairly time limited (18 months at a time) and we've found some of the things that help sooth the sleep-wrecked zombie in every parent!
(insert own Julie Andrews soundtrack if this list isn't already cheesy enough):
the children's delight in anything - it's the way they laugh;
the smell of salty sea air on a warm breeze (particularly if there is the chance of an icecream/cold white wine spritzer);
the sound of leather on willow in the sunshine (cricket, you dirty blighters) ditto the white wine spritzer;
sofa time in front of a real fire; and
singing with an orchestra (with permission, not by sneaking in - and this is obviously me as it would bring Mr LAL so far away from the point of relaxation as to threaten a heart attack)

Simple pleasures, and by and large not hard to find or pay for!

So basically this can be summed up as :
(1)  That I remember Life In Law as really quite hard work some of the time;
(2) I like holidays; and
(3) I am reminded, yet again, by one sleepless night (!)  that I really don't think another baby would be sensible!

Is there a Lawyer in the house??

I was struck by how amazing it is that in the Cyclone-wreaked devastation suffered by our Antipodean cousins, no-one lost their life (at date of composition...); in fact a woman from the UK, out in Aus on her trip-of-a-lifetime 25th wedding anniversary holiday was a perfect example of right-place-right-time when her midwifery knowledge was called on to deliver a baby in the midst of sheltering from raging winds.

The cry went out "is there anyone here who is a doctor or has medical experience"......"Yes, I am a midwife" - well that's handy as there's a baby on the way!!.

Now, I gave birth in hospitals under more-or-less controlled conditions and I felt a depth of gratitude to my midwives that is difficult to convey.  I cannot imagine the joy and relief that this storm-besieged labouring mother felt when her angel of obs & gynae knowledge floated into view!!!

Which led me (not necessarily logically) to consider : how often does ANYONE ever say "is there a lawyer in the house?" In my case emergency translation/interpretation of the terms of a Trust or Will has never been called for much outside my regular working hours! (I know, it happens on Miss Marple and Midsomer Murders - Don't Get Me Started!).

In fact, it struck me that a lot of people don't want lawyers even when they really need one!  The times when one needs a Lawyer are usually because something has gone (horribly) wrong, or you think it might be about to, or you are doing something hideously stressful (buying a house, selling a business etc etc).  At such times we Lawyers insist on telling you things that often seem to defy common sense and defending our use of language which, to the non-Lawyer seems old-fashioned, deliberately jargon-laden and just plain stuffy! And "HOW" (I hear you cry) "can it possibly cost that much just to do this?!" And then of course one must acknowledge that (as in any job) there are some Lawyers who are Letting The Rest Of Us Down.

My perspective is that the kind of brains that like to analyse, pick at problems, locate loopholes and so on (it is best to keep those brains occupied with something so they don't cause trouble) have basically worked out a system that (sort of) works together with useful, agreed phrases, for the solving of those problems that have been recurring for literally hundreds of years. Which, in theory, makes it all more straightforward for everyone........  As for costs -  I don't know! And, as I've never been in charge of setting the feescale, I'm prepared to rest on my ignorance on this one!

The problem seems to be that, unlike, say medicine, it is often impossible for anyone but the Lawyers to see the effect of what the Lawyers have done.  Everyone has a body (hopefully their own) and so we all relate to what doctors can do for us and most people don't think, for example, that they can do their own brain surgery.......but some people think that legal matters are only complicated by Lawyers and that they can sort it out themselves.

I know only too well that Lawyers can (and will) cheerfully cite you endless examples of people who have Done It Themselves with outcomes which make reality tv like "DIY Disasters" seem tame! As my Life In Law has made me cautious about legal matters, I did practice what I preach. Which is why - despite being An Expert (officially, I have extra certificates) - I did not do my own Will.  Cautious/lazy, whatever, Trusted Colleague did an excellent job!

Good luck, I hope you don't need a Lawyer or that if you do you find a veritable paragon of Legal Virtue and that you have a wonderful pink fluffy experience of their contribution to your life.

But don't ask me, because I'm not one!!

And so next time I stumble into a Midsomer Murders like scenario and the cry goes up "is there a Lawyer who can interpret this small, yet incredibly significant piece of legal wording in the Will of this attractive - but unpleasant-  reclusive rockstar/local aristocrat/artist/vicar etc etc who has been killed in a creative and cinematographically well-composed way AT THE VILLAGE FETE (naturally) at which the chief inspector's wife and daughter have inexplicably been playing a central role..................." well I won't be found wanting.  In fact, I won't be found at all - I'll be at the W.I. stall buying hand-knitted jam and marmalade tea-cosies!!*




(*If you are reading this in the US or Russia-and my stats tell me you are-then this makes no sense and is not funny at all.  But trust me -I'm a Lawyer- I bet they're rolling in the aisles over here.)

Sunday Best

Today is the "day of rest" - or is it! Do any of us really stop what we are doing on Sundays.  At least lots of Lawyers are given the day off........unless you work at one of the firms where the building never closes, the seats never cool and there is a typing pool on permanent standby! And if you don't, you probably still have access to your email at least via remote access or that accessory beloved of many Lawyers - the Blackberry!!

In fact most jobs don't really stop on Sunday, do they (and yes, you are right, I am now going to point out that parenting is a 24/7 job with a saintly and ever so slightly martyred air - feel free to blow raspberries.)

Sunday is however that little bit calmer for us - we've always had a nice Sunday routine. Way back, as commuting long-distance relationship Law-Beginners the Sunday lunch routine was indeed a sacred space for us to just, well, be! Be normal, be together, be in the potential of what we both hoped our relationship would become......domesticated and unified.  Plus of course we have a vicar in the Family, so Sunday has, for as long as I have been with Mr LAL, included worship (and tea and biscuits!).

(Hi my name is "Not a Lawyer Anymore" and I am...........................a Christian.  It's been fifteen years since I started following that bloke who said cryptic radical things about Life the Universe and Everything. If Jesus was on Twitter what would his posts have looked like? "@Judas, not cool...."  But I digress).

For our little nuclear family, our faith is like the wallpaper on the pc desktop - there underneath whatever other application is running (School Run Carnage, Housework Blitz, Money Madness, Homework Puzzle, SingStar etc etc).  My faith is one of the constants that links my life Before Escape (BE)  with my Life After Law, apart from, of course, Mr Life After Law (who has loved/put up with me through both!) - in fact the two things combine (no, Mr LAL is not a vicar, although as above we've got one in the Family).

Regular worship and Sunday school are part of our routine and provide unique opportunities to grapple with answering the impossible and or awkward questions for which very small children have a particular gift.  Most children seem to take the parts of Christianity that come attached to festivals that include gift giving and chocolate (Virgin Birth, Resurrection) in their stride.  However they are given to asking much simpler and yet impossible questions like "If the Church is God's house, where does He sleep".  (Answer: as an omnipotent Deity, anywhere He likes?!)

So did my faith make any difference to my decision to "jack it all in" - well of course, yes.  Through friends at church I had a great circle of women (if you're reading this and you know you were in it, thank you) who loved me through the very painful process of realising that something I had invested so much of my life and energy in just wasn't working out (many tears).

But of course I have family and friends  - and colleagues - who may or may not have a Christian faith but are wise and awesome and loving and who also did the same thing (thank you too) and from whom I had nothing but encouragement and support.

The biggest thing for me now is that I have faith that there is some sort of Plan (and that I followed it by giving up work) and that things will, broadly, be OK!  This faith is incredibly sustaining when one is dealing with very small pairs of unspeakably soiled underwear or coping with a small person in total meltdown about (I enumerate them thusly):
the "wrong" Cheerios
it still being dark but also being the morning (seriously)
the favourite shirt having a missing button
the bus going the wrong way past the car (it's a circular route, so 50:50 chance on this one.)

How does it go "He who would valiant be, gainst all disaster (eg missing the most up to date episode of Scooby Doo).........well I guess that would be me, and I feel pretty valiant (well, today anyway).

Now, has anyone got any stain remover, chocolate weetos (NOT honey cheerios), buttons and thread, a bus timetable and some way of re-setting the equinox....................................

Don't put your daughter on the stage........

My mother fondly recalls the incident when I, much impressed by a Church Nativity, ran up the aisle and stood at the front adopting the "Angel Gabriel" pose - aged about 3.  You might think, then, that my current obsession with and not-at-all-secret fantasy about becoming a professional opera singer is not that surprising.

In fact, I am discovering that I am actually a bit shy about really being myself with people (on stage or off), and that I resort to humor instead (I realise that I am now just inviting sarcasm from those of you who know me plus abuse of the "Oh, you were trying to be funny" variety!) not to mention a healthy dose of pretending I'm fine, whether I am or not!

But I'm learning that in the context of performing and singing you just have to let go and let it all out!  And actually it is a bit of a revelation - liberating (terrifying). I am now finding that I can't really sing if I am bottling anything up - it just takes the stopper off the bottle! And that is great.  Parenting and marriage both provide plenty of opportunities for simmering (should only be done with food), brewing (ditto alchohol) and festering (just should never be done), and I say that in what I call a happy home (and so would Mr Life After Law - well, he'd better...........) let alone facing anything out of the ordinary (well, not tooooooo far out).

I didn't sing as much while I was a Lawyer but I can heartily recommend it as an ideal stress-buster whatever you are doing with your life.

Which is why, whether I ever make it onto the stage at La Scala (why is my phone not ringing) I will keep singing and I will keep loving every note - and you can too! Whether you sing in the shower or at Sydney Opera House (again, no phone calls) just let it all out and enjoy it.

As for my progeny, I have two budding singers on my hands one of whom can do a terrifyingly accurate American accent (thanks to High School Musical, High School Musical 2 and High School Musical 3).

For my children the mystery of theatre is no longer a mystery:-

"Mummy, I think that lady with the pink hair (panto dame) is really a man in a dress".......
"Mummy when there was that big splashing noise (actor thrown "overboard")  is it really the sea because I don't think it would fit"
and finally: "Mummy, when you were supposed to be all dead and a ghost, I think you should have had your face more white because you didn't look dead enough!" (the younger, by the way, commented "Oh NO, what's happened you face??"

Don't put your daughter (or of course, as the case may be, son) on the stage? Well I don't know, but I hope they'll both discover the joy of singing for themselves and I hope you do too!

La la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............................