Is there a Lawyer in the house??

I was struck by how amazing it is that in the Cyclone-wreaked devastation suffered by our Antipodean cousins, no-one lost their life (at date of composition...); in fact a woman from the UK, out in Aus on her trip-of-a-lifetime 25th wedding anniversary holiday was a perfect example of right-place-right-time when her midwifery knowledge was called on to deliver a baby in the midst of sheltering from raging winds.

The cry went out "is there anyone here who is a doctor or has medical experience"......"Yes, I am a midwife" - well that's handy as there's a baby on the way!!.

Now, I gave birth in hospitals under more-or-less controlled conditions and I felt a depth of gratitude to my midwives that is difficult to convey.  I cannot imagine the joy and relief that this storm-besieged labouring mother felt when her angel of obs & gynae knowledge floated into view!!!

Which led me (not necessarily logically) to consider : how often does ANYONE ever say "is there a lawyer in the house?" In my case emergency translation/interpretation of the terms of a Trust or Will has never been called for much outside my regular working hours! (I know, it happens on Miss Marple and Midsomer Murders - Don't Get Me Started!).

In fact, it struck me that a lot of people don't want lawyers even when they really need one!  The times when one needs a Lawyer are usually because something has gone (horribly) wrong, or you think it might be about to, or you are doing something hideously stressful (buying a house, selling a business etc etc).  At such times we Lawyers insist on telling you things that often seem to defy common sense and defending our use of language which, to the non-Lawyer seems old-fashioned, deliberately jargon-laden and just plain stuffy! And "HOW" (I hear you cry) "can it possibly cost that much just to do this?!" And then of course one must acknowledge that (as in any job) there are some Lawyers who are Letting The Rest Of Us Down.

My perspective is that the kind of brains that like to analyse, pick at problems, locate loopholes and so on (it is best to keep those brains occupied with something so they don't cause trouble) have basically worked out a system that (sort of) works together with useful, agreed phrases, for the solving of those problems that have been recurring for literally hundreds of years. Which, in theory, makes it all more straightforward for everyone........  As for costs -  I don't know! And, as I've never been in charge of setting the feescale, I'm prepared to rest on my ignorance on this one!

The problem seems to be that, unlike, say medicine, it is often impossible for anyone but the Lawyers to see the effect of what the Lawyers have done.  Everyone has a body (hopefully their own) and so we all relate to what doctors can do for us and most people don't think, for example, that they can do their own brain surgery.......but some people think that legal matters are only complicated by Lawyers and that they can sort it out themselves.

I know only too well that Lawyers can (and will) cheerfully cite you endless examples of people who have Done It Themselves with outcomes which make reality tv like "DIY Disasters" seem tame! As my Life In Law has made me cautious about legal matters, I did practice what I preach. Which is why - despite being An Expert (officially, I have extra certificates) - I did not do my own Will.  Cautious/lazy, whatever, Trusted Colleague did an excellent job!

Good luck, I hope you don't need a Lawyer or that if you do you find a veritable paragon of Legal Virtue and that you have a wonderful pink fluffy experience of their contribution to your life.

But don't ask me, because I'm not one!!

And so next time I stumble into a Midsomer Murders like scenario and the cry goes up "is there a Lawyer who can interpret this small, yet incredibly significant piece of legal wording in the Will of this attractive - but unpleasant-  reclusive rockstar/local aristocrat/artist/vicar etc etc who has been killed in a creative and cinematographically well-composed way AT THE VILLAGE FETE (naturally) at which the chief inspector's wife and daughter have inexplicably been playing a central role..................." well I won't be found wanting.  In fact, I won't be found at all - I'll be at the W.I. stall buying hand-knitted jam and marmalade tea-cosies!!*




(*If you are reading this in the US or Russia-and my stats tell me you are-then this makes no sense and is not funny at all.  But trust me -I'm a Lawyer- I bet they're rolling in the aisles over here.)