shall make him once relent, his first avowed intent........
So what makes you discouraged? What puts you off from your goals? Does discouragement affect your motivation or spur you on to "overcome the odds"! For a lot of us, I suspect, other people and the things they say and do are a big part of this.
Lots of verbal encouragement and I'll pretty much drive myself to exhaustion for you - a sincere, frequent "well done" is all I need. Interestingly I also find outright, detailed specific criticism can spur me on BUT "no comment" or, worse, much much worse, faint praise is really discouraging! The sheer lack of attention that this level of disinterest involves is the ultimate downer. (Hmmm, moment of self awareness).
The big change from life in the law to Life After Law is that, in parenting, feedback opportunities are in many ways greatly reduced! There are no client satisfaction questionnaires sent out, no annual performance reviews, no fortnightly one-to-ones. So I don't have the opportunity to keep asking someone else a more complicated professional version of that basic human anxiety: "am I doing ok?".
In fact I do get lots of encouragement through the various education and health experts that are involved in our "not-totally-run-of-the-mill" parenting puzzle, and they are quite often very generous in their praise, so perhaps it's not fair to pretend I'm an island of splendid isolation encouragement-wise.
Children can of course be devastatingly honest -either with criticism ("I don't like this dinner, it is disgusting") or with praise ("You are my best friend Mummy") but if you actually ask for "feedback" (unwise) you are most likely to be met with an uncomprehending stare, a completely random comment ("I've got squiggly pencils) or a Gallic-standard shrug of withering ennui, communicating with succinct precision their utter disdain towards your pathetic need for validation AND that you have unforgivably disrupted their viewing of cBeebies/creating a masterpiece in crayon, felt tip and bogies/hiding small plastic toys in your washing machine where they will wreak unimaginable havoc and lead to you being ankle deep in water!
On the whole, I think I need to carry on striding towards having an internal sense of achievement and validation. When I become unbearable/launch a despicable super-villain plot to take over the world please promise me you'll stage an intervention!
Monday, 17 January 2011
Monday, 10 January 2011
Is there an App for that? (*If you don't know what an App is.........)
I may have mentioned that I have a new phone (which I am way past the point of becoming boring about, but you don't have to read on so hey, it saves Mr Life After Law listening to my exclamations - LOOK an App that tells me that it is raining outside the window..........)
I've noticed that I like having all the comms options on one gadget eg facebook (other social networking sites are available......), email, text, phone, smoke signal, launch flying monkeys (imagine if you had a phone that could actually do that!!......I digress).
But if I'm a "communication polymath" (not psychopath, pay attention at the back!!) others definitely aren't!
Mr LAL loathes texting and mobiles but will email - as I no longer have to come back to the house and turn the laptop on to contact him at work (please buy chocolate on way home/for the love of God don't be too late......etc) my new do-everything phone has truly been labour saving! (And it is nice to be able to send him encouraging messages in the day as well, like "I love you" not just "You left your dirty dishes by the side of the dishwasher" - not that I've ever sent one like that)
But what other Apps do I wish it had? How about "See Clear" App - restoring perspective in the midst of a shitty day? Or a "Tots Mute" App for turning down the volume on children who's volume setting seems to be directly affected by how tired and irritable you feel. I would love to design a "RadicalSearch" App to help men look for things - step 1 look in the place you expected to find it, step 2 (revolutionary) look in at least one other place before giving up and asking wife......
Oooooh a good one would surely be a "BS Detector" - thank you Mr Builder/Plumber that I haven't used before, would you simply speak clearly into the mike and repeat how long the job will take and the fee quote.........(NOT to be accidentally switched on while talking to children - no the icecream van has run out/the cinema isn't open today etc)
As I'm currently trying to learn music in other languages (which according to my lovely and brilliant singing teacher does necessitate actually translating each piece myself so I understand it properly, and not cheating and finding the equivalent of a case digest........yes I was that kind of law student) I'd like a "BabelBrain" App which just gives me the ability to download a new language into my head (and for our text-speak generation of teenagers we could install Queen's English as a start-up.......)
Last one: my beautiful intelligent chatty six year old girl has a nice line in disbelieving questions and withering put downs - so I need "QuickQuip" App to hold my end up before I lose any chance of saving face!
(and if you don't know what an App is then please see Mr Life After Law's Blog "Luddite Landscape", copied by hand on reclaimed vellum using original tools twice yearly and broadcast by town cryer and messenger pigeon.........)
I've noticed that I like having all the comms options on one gadget eg facebook (other social networking sites are available......), email, text, phone, smoke signal, launch flying monkeys (imagine if you had a phone that could actually do that!!......I digress).
But if I'm a "communication polymath" (not psychopath, pay attention at the back!!) others definitely aren't!
Mr LAL loathes texting and mobiles but will email - as I no longer have to come back to the house and turn the laptop on to contact him at work (please buy chocolate on way home/for the love of God don't be too late......etc) my new do-everything phone has truly been labour saving! (And it is nice to be able to send him encouraging messages in the day as well, like "I love you" not just "You left your dirty dishes by the side of the dishwasher" - not that I've ever sent one like that)
But what other Apps do I wish it had? How about "See Clear" App - restoring perspective in the midst of a shitty day? Or a "Tots Mute" App for turning down the volume on children who's volume setting seems to be directly affected by how tired and irritable you feel. I would love to design a "RadicalSearch" App to help men look for things - step 1 look in the place you expected to find it, step 2 (revolutionary) look in at least one other place before giving up and asking wife......
Oooooh a good one would surely be a "BS Detector" - thank you Mr Builder/Plumber that I haven't used before, would you simply speak clearly into the mike and repeat how long the job will take and the fee quote.........(NOT to be accidentally switched on while talking to children - no the icecream van has run out/the cinema isn't open today etc)
As I'm currently trying to learn music in other languages (which according to my lovely and brilliant singing teacher does necessitate actually translating each piece myself so I understand it properly, and not cheating and finding the equivalent of a case digest........yes I was that kind of law student) I'd like a "BabelBrain" App which just gives me the ability to download a new language into my head (and for our text-speak generation of teenagers we could install Queen's English as a start-up.......)
Last one: my beautiful intelligent chatty six year old girl has a nice line in disbelieving questions and withering put downs - so I need "QuickQuip" App to hold my end up before I lose any chance of saving face!
(and if you don't know what an App is then please see Mr Life After Law's Blog "Luddite Landscape", copied by hand on reclaimed vellum using original tools twice yearly and broadcast by town cryer and messenger pigeon.........)
Friday, 7 January 2011
What's in a Name?
Well here we all are in 2011, Happy New Year and well done for getting through 2010.
Idling away the holiday by researching (obsessively) and then obtaining a replacement phone (deeply in love with it), I was prompted to muse a little on job titles and how they affect how we see ourselves and others see us.
The very nice and knowledgeable young man in the phone emporium, in the context of taking all my details for contractual purposes asked for my occupation. And after umming and aahhhing I plumped for "housewife" (not sure the long, complicated version explaining my continuing relationship with The Firm would fit in the box).
Firstly, hilariously, he looked at me and explained that he isn't allowed to put "housewife" - he has to put house "person"! Titter ye not! And then there was a period of delay waiting to be "approved" or "declined" as a customer. I do now have the phone, so obviously I was approved, but it surprised me how I felt while I waited.
I don't usually see myself as having lost "status" because - helping out at the school aside - I am a full time mum. Certainly my sense of self-worth isn't linked with my job (although it is linked with being "successsful" at whatever I choose to do.....type A anyone??). But I suddenly worried that my employment status was relevant in the eyes of the real world in a way that I have been cushioned from for a while in the "mummy bubble".
However, happily, once I'd spent a few (hundred) hours playing with my new toy, and downloading pointless apps because they are free, my short attention span came to my rescue and I got over the feeling!
Mr Life After Law baffled by the technology on every level - not just how it works but why anyone would even want to have it................until we started following the Ashes commentary on it......it is now (grudgingly) "quite good".....brave new world indeed!
Idling away the holiday by researching (obsessively) and then obtaining a replacement phone (deeply in love with it), I was prompted to muse a little on job titles and how they affect how we see ourselves and others see us.
The very nice and knowledgeable young man in the phone emporium, in the context of taking all my details for contractual purposes asked for my occupation. And after umming and aahhhing I plumped for "housewife" (not sure the long, complicated version explaining my continuing relationship with The Firm would fit in the box).
Firstly, hilariously, he looked at me and explained that he isn't allowed to put "housewife" - he has to put house "person"! Titter ye not! And then there was a period of delay waiting to be "approved" or "declined" as a customer. I do now have the phone, so obviously I was approved, but it surprised me how I felt while I waited.
I don't usually see myself as having lost "status" because - helping out at the school aside - I am a full time mum. Certainly my sense of self-worth isn't linked with my job (although it is linked with being "successsful" at whatever I choose to do.....type A anyone??). But I suddenly worried that my employment status was relevant in the eyes of the real world in a way that I have been cushioned from for a while in the "mummy bubble".
However, happily, once I'd spent a few (hundred) hours playing with my new toy, and downloading pointless apps because they are free, my short attention span came to my rescue and I got over the feeling!
Mr Life After Law baffled by the technology on every level - not just how it works but why anyone would even want to have it................until we started following the Ashes commentary on it......it is now (grudgingly) "quite good".....brave new world indeed!
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